The New Year
by ladyinapinkslipper
Summary: This is the fourth New Year she spend in loneliness because she left everything behind three New Years ago, but what would happen if a part of her past came knocking on her door this fourth New Year? O/S


New Year.

I've never given much thought to the day where everyone gathered around somewhere then drunken them self into stupor. It was the same as the usual day in my life, in which I got up at six in the morning and working straight from eight AM to four PM. Except for the fact that I had to spend almost four days alone in my modest and empty little apartment where I lived this past four years.

It was okay though; I could always bury myself inside of my comfy comforter and read my classical novels. But sometimes, I couldn't help but wondering about how I always end up alone in four new years and also, in a row.

Hmm.

I pulled out a bottle of wine from the refrigerator and poured it into the glass, half filling it. I sipped the wine slowly, savoring the sweet taste and enjoying the warmth which was started to spreading through my body... until the doorbell rang. I arched my eyebrow; the take-out wouldn't be here for another ten minutes, so it couldn't be it. I left my glass of wine on the kitchen island and went to answer the door.

I unlocked my door, didn't even thought about checking who it was through the peep hole, and pulled the door open. The next second I heard myself gasped.

There he was.

Still as beautiful as ever with his toned body—always hiding behind those ridiculous band t-shirt—then unruly bronze hair, long and thick eyelashes, pouty lips, pointed nose and at last but not the least... his gorgeous green orbs. Those beautiful shades of green which always filled with intuition and always so perceptive, like he knew every single thing that going on in your head.

He was my lover, or boyfriend, before we had this ugly falling apart where he had chose to pursue his dream in music and left no room for me to be his girlfriend, and lover, anymore. So I quickly moved out from his house and his heart when I realized this fact, exactly four years ago.

But somehow, my love—our love—was still there, buried deep inside my heart just waiting for him to came back and claimed it once again even if the sane part of myself always denied it. That was why this four new years I kept ended up alone because I never wanted anyone else beside me but him.

"Hi." He smiled crookedly, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. I nodded.

"How did you..." I gestured my hand to my apartment in question.

"Alice," he looked down, "I swore I was just wanted to know though, but I can't help it." He looked up at me and his eyes all of sudden filled with determination.

"What—" I was cut off by the throat clearing beside us; the delivery boy has arrived with my food.

"Miss Swan?" he looked at the receipt before staring at me, I nodded and he handed the food to me, "that will be $25.67 miss."

"Ok." I quickly went inside and placed the food on the table then gave the money, which I actually already prepared before, to the delivery boy. He said thank you and disappeared down the hall, that left me with my ex on my doorstep.

"You probably wondering why I came here," he sighed and pinching the bridge of his nose, a nervous habit, "I miss you." He blurted out.

And now I finally saw the differences, he was thinner, dark circles under his eyes and his green orbs are lost it's shine. Everything about him looked the same yet different... it was kind of overwhelming how I still could notice simple things about him even after four years. Alice, his sister also my best friend, swore she would never said any word about me to him after my miscarriage—something that he didn't even know about.

"No, it was more than that, so much more," he whispered, "I'm not only missing you but—shit—I know it probably would never enough, but I want to—god—I want to apologize," suddenly he kneeled in front of me and his words started to poured out, "I'm sorry for everything, every single thing I had done wrong, it would never suffice of how guilty I was, but something that worse than them," he started sobbing, "I never knew it, I never knew you were pregnant with my baby and I never knew you lose him due to your stressful condition which caused by me."

He broke apart in front of me and it made every wall I had built the past four years shattered into pieces. The pain that caused by losing my six weeks old baby surfaced once again, fresh and new. It was all happened so fast and I had to endure everything alone, so in the end I decided to just leave him alone with his dream, because that was what I thought the best for both of us. He would never needed to know about six weeks old fetus that already dead and I could mourned my baby without causing him pain or dragged him along into my depression.

"I don't know anything, I couldn't concentrate on anything when I found out about it, all I was thinking about was how horrible and selfish excuse of a human I was. I tried to find you in every possible place I knew you would be, but I still couldn't find you! I was so mad at myself and my sister because she wouldn't tell me where you are... I was living in hell this past two years, I could never live without you and when I knew you were lose my child, our child, because of me... I don't know anything!" he sobbed loudly and it was broke my heart and my heart did what it wanted.

I kneeled in front of him and pulled him into my arms, I started sobbing too, his pain and my pain gathered into one crazy mix of hurtful reunion. We both finally mourned our lost together...

I didn't know who started it but suddenly my long forgotten needs made its appearance, crawling through my passionless veins, filled it with burning desire and flooding my senses. Every touch—fingertips or lips or skins— humming with electricity that I couldn't deny its existence. Our ragged breathes; whimpers and quiet moans are the only sounds that could be heard in the room.

In the throes passion, I realized that the countdown was already started but Edward made me forget it, basked in the warmth afterglow of our love making.

* * *

><p>Our legs are tangled together, his warm breath fanned on my neck and he was holding me tight to him as if he was scared I would disappeared again. I finally noticed the sun was shining through the curtains, morning already.<p>

I took my time to looking at his hands and his long, pianist fingers, admiring it's shape and texture... slowly kissing it, thinking about how much I missed his fingers touching me, burning me with desire and how I hope our baby hands was as beautiful as his.

"Morning." He whispered and kissed my neck softly. I smiled slightly at his greeting then turned around to face him.

"Good morning." I held his face with both of my hands and kiss his lips, savoring his taste; Edward's taste. After we pulled away, his eyes are roaming my face, searching for something.

"What are you thinking?" he stroked my face with his fingertips and tightening his hold on me. I sighed.

"I'm sorry, too."

"For what?"

"He was not only my baby, but yours too, losing him pained both of us... I'm sorry I walked away with it and the secret of his existence." He kissed me again, long and through.

"You were losing him because of me, my selfishness!" he said harshly, "and I swear I will make it up to you, whatever it takes, whatever it cost," he looked at me pointedly and his voice rang with sincerity and honesty, "I love you."

"I love you too..."

* * *

><p>I was sat on Edward's lap while he feeds me our breakfast; we talked about our lives without each other this past four years, what happen to him after I walked away and how was my life without him in it. How was his parents, Esme and Carlisle, and older brother, Emmett.<p>

"They were mad at me for letting you go so easily, almost without a fight," he looked down at our entwined hands, "but I thought it was what you wanted; to be free from me, and if it was made you happy, I would let you have it." He was holding me close to his chest.

"So," I whispered, "how did you found out about my miscarriage?" he gulped loudly and holding me even closer to him.

"Two years ago I finally decided I wanted to let you go, all of you," he kissed my hair, pain laced in his every word, "for two years, since we separated, I could never let you go, everything was still in the same way you left it that night, nothing changed and I couldn't bring myself to change anything, but that day—the day I found out—I was cleaning our bedroom when I found a copy of your test result and miscarriage documents from the hospital," his breathe started to ragged, "it was like the sky has dropped right above my head and I couldn't believe this was yours because you must have had told me about this important information, but the name on all documents was Isabella Marie Swan, it made me sad and furious so I went to Alice and demanded her to gave me your address to talk to you about it, but she was so stubborn! All she said was she knew you were pregnant with my child but losing him due to your stressful condition."

"I never thought about it," my voice broke the silence of my bedroom, "I never thought you would mourned over losing him because he was only six weeks old and you were so busy with you career at that time, I thought I did you a favor by walked away..."

"I was so stupid for letting you go, I should have asked 'why' again and again instead of said yes when you said you want something that I didn't... I should have paying more attention to you, why you always throwing up for the past three weeks and went with you to the doctor, if I were just did those things, we wouldn't be apart and he must be already three today."

"There is nothing we can do to change the past," I stared at his sad eyes, "what we can do is make it count on every precious time we have today." The suddenly his green orbs brightened and he held my hands in his.

"Isabella Marie Swan, will you do the honor to be my wife?"

* * *

><p>I was just finished putting away the dishes when suddenly I felt like tripped on something. I was waiting on the cold and hard surface to touch my skin when there was suddenly warm arm and tight grip around my waist, preventing me from my hard wood floor apartment.<p>

"Be careful, love." Edward tightened his hold on me, his expression mixture of worried and scared. I smiled at him and tried to regain my composure after my-so-Bella moment, which was tripped on the thin air.

"Sorry, you know I'm a klutz." He smiled and kissed my lips.

"Just tried not to do it frequently, at least while he was in there," Edward gazed lovingly to the small bump on my stomach, I pouted and he chuckled, "never tripped on the thin air again then, forever." I smiled as he kiss me again.

Edward and I married only two months after our reunion because five weeks after the said reunion I found out we were pregnant again. I didn't realize it, but Edward did, so when I started to throwing up in the morning and my mood swings drove him crazy he bought me a few home pregnancy test.

It said postive.

We decided to went to the doctor for more proffesional treatment, the doctor said what our home pregnany test already said; I was five weeks pregnant which means this was our reunion baby. Our life was filled with joy and at our third visits, the doctor confirmed that we had a healthy baby boy.

So here I am, six months pregnant, blissfully happy and married! I could never asked for more.

"I love you, forever." I kissed him.

"I love you too, forever and ever and ever." He answered and kissed me again. Smiling.

* * *

><p>My first attempt in writting fan fiction, please let me know what you think and... I'm sorry if there is a lot of grammatical errors in it.<p> 


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